Seduction Read online

  “I would prefer not to think about the next time, Julian.”

  He exhaled slowly. “No, I can understand that.” He felt her try to free herself, but he could not let her go just yet. He had to find a way to reassure her that he was not the monster she evidently had found him last night. “I am sorry, little one. I don’t know what came over me. I know you will find this hard to comprehend, but in all truthfulness, I cannot remember precisely what happened. But you must believe, I never intended to hurt you.”

  She stirred against him, pushing tentatively at his shoulders. “I would rather not discuss it.”

  “We must, else you will make the matter out to be even worse than it already is. Sophy, look at me.”

  Her head came up slowly. She hesitated, slid him a quick, searching little glance and then hastily looked away. “What do you want me to do, my lord?”

  His hands tightened briefly on her and he had to force himself to relax. “I would like you to say that you forgive me and that you will not hold my actions last night against me. But I suppose that is asking far too much this morning.”

  She bit her lip. “Is your pride satisfied, my lord?”

  “Hang my pride. I am trying to find a way to apologize to you and to let you know it will never be so … so uncomfortable for you again.” Hell, uncomfortable was a ridiculously bland term for what she must have been feeling last night when he was rutting between her legs. “Lovemaking between a husband and wife is meant to be an enjoyable experience. It should have been a pleasure for you last night. I meant it to be pleasurable. I don’t know what happened. I must have lost all sense of self-control. Damn, I must have lost my reason.”

  “Please, my lord, this is so terribly embarrassing. Need we discuss it?”

  “You must see we cannot leave it at this.”

  There was a distinct pause before she asked cautiously, “Why not?”

  “Sophy, be reasonable, sweetheart. We are married. We will be making love frequently. I don’t want you going in fear of the experience.”

  “I do wish you would not call it making love when it is nothing of the kind,” she snapped.

  Julian closed his eyes and summoned up his patience. The very least he owed his new bride now was patience. It was, unfortunately, not one of his strong points. “Sophy, tell me one thing. Do you hate me this morning?”

  She swallowed convulsively and kept her eyes on the view outside her window. “No, my lord.”

  “Well, that is something, at least. Not much, but something. Damn it, Sophy, what did I do to you last night? I must have thrown myself on you, but I swear I can remember nothing after getting into bed with you.”

  “I really cannot talk about it, my lord.”

  “No, I don’t suppose you can.” He raked his fingers through his hair. How could he expect her to give him a detailed description of his actions? He did not want to listen to the chilling tale, himself. But he desperately needed to know what he had done to her. He had to know just how much of a devil he had been. He was already starting to torture himself with vivid imaginings.

  “Julian?”

  “I know it is no excuse, my sweet, but I fear I drank more port last night than I realized at the time. I will never again come to your bed in such a deplorable condition. It was unpardonable. Please accept my apologies and believe that next time will be far different.”

  Sophy cleared her throat. “As to the matter of a next time—”

  He winced. “I know you are not looking forward to it and I give you my word I will not rush you a second time. But you must realize that eventually we will have to make love again. Sophy, this first time for you, well, it’s rather like falling off a horse. If you don’t remount, you might never ride again.”

  “I’m not certain that would be such a terrible fate,” she muttered.

  “Sophy.”

  “Yes, of course. There is the little matter of your heir. Forgive me, my lord, it almost slipped my mind.”

  Self-loathing ripped through his gut. “I was not thinking of my heir. I was thinking of you,” he ground out.

  “Our agreement was for three months,” she reminded him quietly. “Do you think we could return to that understanding?”

  Julian cursed violently under his breath. “I don’t think it would be a good idea to wait that long. Your natural uneasiness will grow to unnatural proportions if you have three whole months in which to dwell on what happened last night. Sophy, I have explained to you that the worst is over. There is no need to retreat behind that agreement you insisted upon.”

  “I suppose not. Especially since you have made it clear I have so few means by which to enforce the agreement.” She pulled out of his arms and walked over to the window. “You were quite right, my lord, when you pointed out that a woman has very little power in a marriage. Her only hope is that she can depend upon her husband’s honor as a gentleman.”

  Another wave of guilt rolled over him, drowning Julian for an instant. When he surfaced he longed to be able to confront the devil himself rather than Sophy. At least that way he could fight back.

  The position he was in was intolerable. It was shatteringly clear that there was only one honorable way out and he had to take it even though he knew that it would ultimately make everything far more difficult for her.

  “Would you be able to trust my word a second time if I agree to return to our three month arrangement?” Julian asked roughly.

  She shot him a quick glance over her shoulder. “Yes, I think I could trust you this time. If, that is, you would agree not to seduce me as well as not to force me.”

  “I promised you seduction last night and forced myself on you, instead. Yes, I can see where you might want to expand the terms of the original agreement.” Julian inclined his head formally. “Very well, Sophy. My judgment tells me it is the wrong course of action, but I cannot deny your right to insist upon it after what happened last night.”

  Sophy bowed her head, her fingers clenched in front of her. “Thank you, my lord.”

  “Do not thank me. I have a strong conviction I am making a serious mistake. Something is very wrong here.” He shook his head again, trying to will forth the memories of last night. He got only a blank wall. Was he losing his mind? “You have my word I will make no attempt to seduce you for the remaining time of our agreement. It goes without saying that I will not force myself on you, either.” He hesitated, wanting to reach out and hold her close again but he did not dare touch her. “Please excuse me.”

  He let himself out of her bedchamber feeling he could hardly sink lower in her eyes than he already had in his own.

  The next two days should have been the most blissful of Sophy’s life. Her honeymoon was finally turning into the dream she had once fondly conceived. Julian was kind, thoughtful, and unfailingly gentle. He treated her as if she were a rare and priceless piece of porcelain. The silent, subtle, sensual threat that had plagued her for days was finally removed.

  It was not that she no longer saw desire in Julian’s gaze. It was still there, but the fires were carefully banked now and she no longer feared they would rage out of control. At last she had the breathing space she had tried to negotiate before the marriage.

  But instead of being able to relax and enjoy the time she had bought, Sophy was miserable. For two days she fought the misery and the guilt, trying to assure herself that she had done the right thing, the only thing she could do under the circumstances. A wife had so little power, she was obliged to use whatever means came to hand.

  But her own sense of honor would not let her soothe her anxiety with such a rationale.

  Sophy awoke on the third morning after her fictitious wedding night knowing she could not continue the charade another day, let alone the remainder of the three months.

  She had never felt so awful in her entire life. Julian’s self-chastisement was a terrible responsibility for her to bear. It was obvious he was berating himself savagely for what he thought he had done. The fac
t that he had done nothing at all was making Sophy feel even more guilty than he did.

  She downed the tea her maid had brought, set the cup back in its saucer with a loud crash and pushed back the covers.

  “My, what a lovely day, ma’am. Will you be riding after breakfast?”

  “Yes, Mary, I will. Please send someone to ask Lord Ravenwood if he would care to join me, will you?”

  “Oh, I don’t think there will be any doubt about his lordship joinin’ you,” Mary said with a cheeky grin. “That man would accept an invitation to go all the way to America with you, if you asked him. The staff is enjoyin’ the sight to no end, you know.”

  “Enjoying what sight?”

  “Watchin’ him fall all over himself tryin’ to please you. Never seen the like. Reckon his lordship is thankin’ his lucky stars he’s got himself a wife who’s very different from that witch he married the first time.”

  “Mary!”

  “Sorry, ma’am. But you know as well as I do what they used to say about her back home in the village. “Tweren’t no secret. She was a wild one, she was. The brown or blue habit, my lady?”

  “The new brown habit, I think, Mary. And that will be quite enough about the first Lady Ravenwood.” Sophy spoke with what she hoped was a proper firmness. She did not want to hear about her predecessor today. The guilt she was suffering was causing her to wonder if, once he learned the truth, Julian would conclude she was very much like his first wife in certain scheming ways.

  An hour later she found Julian waiting for her in the front hall. He looked very much at ease in his elegant riding clothes. The snug, light-colored breeches, knee-high boots, and close-fitting coat emphasized the latent power in his figure.

  Julian smiled as Sophy came down the stairs. He held aloft a small basket. “I had Cook pack us a picnic lunch. Thought we could explore the old castle ruin we spotted on the hill overlooking the river. Does that appeal to you, madam?” He came forward to take her arm.

  “That was very thoughtful of you, Julian,” Sophy said humbly, striving to maintain a smile. His anxiousness to please her was touching and it only served to make her feel even more miserable.

  “Have your maid run upstairs and fetch one of those lamentable books of yours. I can tolerate anything but the Wollstonecraft. I’ve picked out something from the library for myself. Who knows? If the sun stays out we may want to spend the afternoon reading under a tree somewhere along the way.”

  Her heart leapt for an instant. “That sounds lovely, my lord.” Then reality returned. Julian would not be in any mood to sit reading with her under a tree in some leafy glade after she told him the awful truth.

  He led her outside into the bright Spring sunshine. Two horses stood saddled and waiting, a blood bay gelding and Angel. Grooms stood at their heads. Julian watched Sophy’s face carefully as he slid his hands around her waist and lifted her into the saddle. He looked relieved when she did not flinch at his touch.

  “I’m glad you felt up to riding again today,” Julian said as he vaulted into his saddle and took the reins. “I’ve missed our morning treks these past two days.” He shot her a quick, assessing glance. “You are certain you will be, uh, comfortable?”

  She blushed vividly and urged her mare into a trot.

  “Most comfortable, Julian.” Until I find the courage to tell you the whole truth and then I shall feel absolutely terrible. She wondered morosely if he would beat her.

  An hour later they drew to a halt near the ruins of an old Norman castle that had once stood guard over the river. Julian dismounted and walked over to the gelding Sophy was riding. He lifted his wife gently out of the saddle. When her feet touched the ground he did not release her immediately.

  “Is something wrong, my lord?”

  “No.” His smile was whimsical. “Not at all.” He took his hand from her waist and carefully rearranged the plume that had fallen forward from the brim of her small brown velvet hat. The plume had been dangling at a typically precarious angle.

  Sophy sighed. “That was one of the reasons I was such a failure during my short season in London. No matter how carefully my maid did my hair and arranged my clothing I always managed to arrive at the ball or the theater looking as if I’d just been run over by a passing carriage. I think I should like to have lived in a simpler time when people had fewer clothes to worry about.”

  “I would not mind living with you in such a time.” Julian’s grin widened as he surveyed her attire. There was laughter in his sunlit green eyes. “You would look very good running about in very few clothes, madam.”

  She knew she was turning pink again. Hastily she swung away from him and started toward the tumbledown pile of rocks that comprised what was left of the old castle. At any other time Sophy would have found the ruin charmingly picturesque. Today she could hardly focus on it. “A lovely view, is it not? It reminds me of that old castle on Ravenwood land. I should have brought along my sketchbook.”

  “I did not mean to embarrass you, Sophy,” Julian said quietly as he came up behind her. “Or frighten you by reminding you of the other night. I was just trying to make a little joke.” He touched her shoulder. “Forgive me for my want of delicacy.”

  Sophy closed her eyes. “You did not frighten me, Julian.”

  “Whenever you move away from me like that I worry that I’ve given you some new cause to fear me.”

  “Julian, stop it. Stop it at once. I do not fear you.”

  “You do not need to lie to me, little one,” he assured her gently. “I am well aware that it will be a long while before I can redeem myself in your eyes.”

  “Oh, Julian, if you say another word of apology I think I shall scream.” She stepped away from him, not daring to glance back.

  “Sophy? What the devil is wrong now? I am sorry if you do not care for my apologies but I have no honorable recourse other than to try to convince you they are genuine.”

  It was all she could do not to burst into tears. “You don’t understand,” she said miserably. “The reason I do not want to hear any more apologies is because they are … they are entirely unnecessary.”

  There was a short pause behind her before Julian said quietly, “You are not obliged to make matters easier on me.”

  She gripped her riding crop in both hands. “I am not trying to make matters easier. I am trying to set you straight on a few points about which I … I deliberately misled you.”

  There was another short pause. “I don’t understand. What are you trying to say, Sophy? That my lovemaking was not as bad as I know it must have been? Please don’t bother. We both know the truth.”

  “No, Julian, you do not know the truth. Only I know the truth. I have a confession to make, my lord, and I fear you are going to be excessively angry.”

  “Not with you, Sophy. Never with you.”

  “I pray you will remember that, my lord, but common sense tells me you will not.” She gathered her courage, still not daring to turn around and face him. “The reason you need not apologize for what you think you did the other night is because you did nothing.”

  “What?”

  Sophy wiped the back of her gloved hand across her eyes. In doing so she jarred her hat and the plume bobbed forward again. “That is to say, you did not do what you think you did.”

  The silence behind her grew deafening before Julian spoke again. “Sophy, the blood. There was so much blood.”

  She hurried on quickly before her courage deserted her entirely. “On my own behalf, I should like to point out that you did try to break the spirit of our agreement as far as I am concerned. I was quite nervous and very, very angry. I hope you will take that into consideration, my lord. You, of all people, know what it is to be in the grip of a fierce temper.”

  “Damn it, Sophy, what the devil are you talking about?” Julian’s voice was far too quiet.

  “I am trying to explain, my lord, that you did not assault me the other night. You just, well, that is to say, you merely
went to sleep.” Sophy finally turned slowly to confront him. He stood a short distance away, his booted feet braced slightly apart, his riding crop held alongside his thigh. His emerald gaze was colder than the outer reaches of Hades.

  “I went to sleep?”

  Sophy nodded and stared fixedly past his shoulder. “I put some herbs in your tea. You remember I told you I had something more effective than port for inducing sleep?”

  “I remember,” he said with terrible softness. “But you drank the tea also.”

  She shook her head. “I merely pretended to drink it. You were so busy complaining about Miss Wollstonecraft’s book that you did not notice what I was doing.”

  He stalked one step closer. The riding crop flicked restlessly against his leg. “The blood. It was all over the sheet.”

  “More herbs, my lord. After you fell asleep I added them to the tea to produce a reddish stain on the sheets. Only I did not know how much liquid to use, you see and I was nervous and I spilled some and thus the spot grew somewhat larger than I had intended.”

  “You spilled some of the tea,” he repeated slowly.

  “Yes, my lord.”

  “Enough to make me think I had torn you most savagely.”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  “You are telling me that nothing happened that night? Nothing at all?”

  Some of Sophy’s natural spirit revived. “Well, you did say you were going to seduce me even though I had distinctly told you I did not wish you to do so and you did come to my room over my objections and I truly did feel menaced, my lord. So it is not as if nothing would have happened, if you see what I mean. It is just that nothing did happen because I took certain steps to prevent it. You are not the only one with a temper, my lord.”

  “You drugged me.” There was something between disbelief and rage in his voice.

  “It was just a simple sleeping tonic, my lord.”

  The riding crop at Julian’s side slashed against the leather top of his boot, cutting off her explanation. Julian’s eyes burned brilliantly green. “You drugged me with one of those damn potions of yours and then you set the stage to make me think I had raped you.”